Office Affairs and Why Don't The Brats Ever Work
by whyarealltheusernamestaken
Summary: Shingeki no Office is crowded with slacking workers, and for some reason the section manager Levi keeps on making Mikasa stay for overtime. (Email format) (and way too many pairings and characters to fit into the character column)
1. Chapter 1

**Email fic because I don't even know...**

To: Eren

From: Mikasa

Subject: I might be late

Overtime, sorry Eren. Go back with Armin, the irksome shortie's making me stay.

-M

To: Armin

From: Mikasa

Subject: Go back with Eren today.

I have to work OT.

-M

To: Mikasa, Eren

From: Armin

Subject: Oh!

Don't worry Mikasa! Eren and I will be find. Is spaghetti okay for dinner?

To: Mikasa, Armin

From: Eren

Subject: Dw about it

Sure. Don't work 2 hard.

To: Mikasa, Eren, Armin

From: Levi

Subject: Get the fuck back to work you brats.

-_This message contains no body-_

To: Levi

From: Hanji

Subject: Scary .

OMG Levi, did u SEE what the new recruits were doing? The tall one and tHE SHORT bLONDIE, they were hugging and their faces were so red! THey're so cute, reminds me of when we first came （*/∇＼*）

To: Hanji

From: Levi

Subject: abnormal.

-_This message contains no body-_

To: Levi

FromL Mikasa

Subject: I finished

Let me go home early.

To: Mikasa

From: Levi

Subject: No._  
_

_-This message contains no body-_

**Mikasa Ackerman**

The section manager is a damned menstruating shortie with no life –with Levi Rivaille

Zoe Hanji and Annie Leonhardt likes this . Comments . Share . 5 minutes ago .

**Annie Leonhardt **Working OT?

4 minutes ago . Mikasa Ackerman likes this

**Connie Springer Da AWESOME **SUCKER!

4 minutes ago . Like

**Levi Rivaille** Maybe if you just did your work, I wouldn't OT you. Damn brat.

3 minutes ago . Like

**Mikasa Ackerman** what part of 'I'm finished' don't you understand? Damn shortie.

3 minutes ago . Annie Leonhardt likes this

**Sasha Braus **Can't be that bad. OT = $ = potatoes = ;D

2 minutes ago . Like

**Connie Springer Da AWESOME **u only got potatoes in ur thick skull

2 minutes ago . Like

**Sasha Braus **boohoo D':

2 minutes ago . Like

**Levi Rivaille **Should I keep the other brats instead?

2 minutes ago . Like

**Sasha Braus **^ dislike.

1 minute ago. Connie Springer Da AWESOME likes this

**Connie Springer **^ dislike x 2

58 seconds ago . like

**Armin Arlert **Please don't sir, I already planned on picking some groceries from the sale after work today.

58 seconds ago . like

**Mikasa Ackerman** you evil, evil, platform shoes wearing shortie

Annie Leonhardt, Hanji Zoe, and 2 others like this

To: Levi

From: Mikasa

Subject: Go die

In a hole.

To: SashaxPotato, ConnieAWESOMENESS

From: Levi

Subject: You're staying until ten

In the morning

**Sasha Braus **someone collect my corpse

Connie Springer Da AWESOME and 3 others like this . Comments . Share . 5 minutes ago

**Connie Springer **_Mikasa Ackerman _should just make out with the section manager already.

Sasha Braus, Zoe Hanji and 20 others like this. 2 minutes ago

**Eren Jäger **WUT?

Like . 2 minutes ago

**Jean Kirschtein **HUH?

Marco ½ and Connie Springer Da AWESOME like this . 2 minutes ago

**Mikasa Ackerman** _Sasha Braus_ check your lunch bag.

Like . 1 minute ago

**Sasha Braus **NOOOOOOOOO

Levi Rivaille, Eren Jäger, Jean Kirschtein and 8 others like this . 41 seconds ago

To: Mikasa

From: SashaxPotato

Subject: WHERE?

DID YOU HIDE MY BABIES?!

To: SashaxPotato

From: Mikasa

Subject: lol.

_-This message contains no body-_

**Sasha Braus **fml

Connie Springer Da AWESOME likes this . Like . Comment . Share . 3 minutes ago

**Armin Arlert **left your spaghetti on the counter. Careful driving back. - with _Mikasa Ackerman_

Mikasa Ackerman and Christa Renz like this . Like . Comment . Share . 2 minutes ago

**Mikasa Ackerman **You left w/ the car.

Levi Rivaille and 20 others like this . 2 minutes ago

**Armin Arlert **O.O I'M SO SORRY MIKASA!

Like . 2 minutes ago

**Mikasa Ackerman **dw, I'll jog back.

Like . 1 minute ago

**Armin Arlert **IT'S 20KM!

Eren Jäger and Levi Rivaille like this . 50 seconds ago

**Mikasa Ackerman **shouldn't take more than 5 min then.

Like . 38 seconds ago

**Armin Arlert **MIKASA! I'll pick you up!

Eren Jäger likes this . 30 seconds ago

**Sasha Braus **^ dislike. I ship her with section manager (lol abbreviated SM lmao)

Connie Springer Da AWESOME likes this . 20 seconds ago

**Levi Rivaille **One more word & you'll stay here for the rest of your insignificant life.

Mikasa Ackerman and Annie Leonhardt like this . 13 seconds ago

To: Mikasa

From: Levi

Subject: Stay at my place for the night

_-This message contains no subject-_

**Mikasa Ackerman**___posted a photo_

Look, section manager is harassing me. –with Levi Rivaille, Zoe Hanji, and Irwin Smith

Annie Leonhardt and 20 others like this . comment . share . 3 minutes ago

**Zoe Hanji** Awwww… when's the wedding?

Sasha Braus and Connie Springer Da AWESOME like this . 3 minutes ago

**Irwin Smith** you can both stay at the office for the night. Sasha and Connie, you don't have to work until ten in the morning.

Sasha Braus and Connie Springer Da AWESOME like this . 2 minutes ago

**Sasha Braus **THERE IS A GOD

Connie Springer Da AWESOME likes this . 1 minute ago

To: Mikasa

From: Levi

Subject: Heartbroken

_-This message contains no body-_

To: Levi

From: Mikasa

Subject: lol.

_-This message contains no body-_

(*)

**Levi Rivaille **_posted a photo_

Close your mouth, Ackerman – with _Mikasa Ackerman_

Zoe Hanji, Annie Leonhardt and 82 others like this . like . Comment . Share . 10 minutes ago

**Connie Springer Da AWESOME: **you DROOL when u SLEEP?!

Sasha Braus and 8 others like this . 8 minutes ago

**Christa Renz **So cute Mikasa 3

Like . 6 minutes ago

**Ymir** ^ cuter

Reiner likes this . 5 minutes ago

**Eren Jäger **Mikasa?

Like . 5 minutes ago

**Armin Arlert** ^Connie, only when her face is down.

Eren Jäger likes this . 5 minutes ago

**Mikasa Ackerman **_posted a photo_

The beautiful section manager – with _Levi Rivaille_

Irwin Smith, Zoe Hanji, Annie Leonhardt, and 102 others like this . Like . Comment . Share . 5 minutes ago

**Zoe Hanji** lmao! U should look like that everyday!

Irwin Smith, Connie Springer Da AWESOME and 67 others like this . 4 minutes ago

**Irwin Smith** Personally, I think the red lipstick is too dark.

Connie Springer Da AWESOME, Hanji Zoe and 67 others like this . 4 minutes ago

**Connie Springer Da ASWESOME **Is that a DICK on ur neck?

Sahsa Braus and 72 others like this . 4 minutes ago

**Zoe Hanji **UNIBROW GALLLORE!

Irwin Smith and 58 others like this . 3 minutes ago

**Armin Arlert** um, isn't that your jacket on _Levi Rivaille's_ shoulders?

Zoe Hanji, Connie Springer Da AWESOME, Sasha Braus and 100 others like this . 3 minutes ago

**Petra Ral** OMG SOOOO CUTE

Zoe Hanji and 79 others like this . 2 minutes ago

**Irwin Smith *** inserts shy emoticon *

Petra Ral and 70 others like this . 2 minutes ago

**Hanji Zoe **0.0

Like . 1 minute ago

**Eren Jäger **O.O

Like . 58 seconds ago

**Jean Kirschtein **O.O

Like . 57 seconds ago

**Annie Leonhardt **=.=

Like . 56 seconds ago

**Levi Rivaille **…

Like . 53 seconds ago

To: Mikasa

From: Levi Rivaille

Subject: Dinner tonight?

-_This message contains no body__**-**_

To: Levi

From: Mikasa

Subject: lol

NO.

**Levi Rivaille **_Mikasa Ackerman, _OT today.

Like . Comment . Share . 2 minutes ago

**Armin Arlert **D:

Like . 1 minute ago

**Eren Jäger **D:

Like . 58 seconds ago

**Jean Kirschtein **D:

Like . 57 seconds ago

**Zoe Hanji **:D

Like . 55 seconds ago

**Irwin Smith **:D

Like . 53 seconds ago

**Sasha Braus **:D

Like . 50 seconds ago

**Petra Ral **:D

Like . 44 seconds ago

**Mikasa Ackerman **Go to hell Shortie

Like . 40 seconds ago

**A/N: typos are intended AND FORMATING THIS IS SUCH A PAIN IN THE…**

**Tell me your thoughts?**

**I don't know… do you guys like this kind of format where it's only exchanges with email and facebook (maybe twitter, but I'm not very familiar with twitter and occasionally tumblr pages. Either way, a lot of omegle and phone calls and emails and text messages) or do you think you're fine with passages too? Since the story can go either way and I honestly think both will work out just fine. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Office Affairs and Why Don't The Brats Ever Work (2)**

**Christa Renz** is in a relationship with **Ymir** **IDon'tHaveALastName**

5 hours ago . like . comment

Sasha Braus and 60 others like this

**Sasha Braus** My cuties 3. Give me food and wedding. Now.

2 hours ago . like

**Connie Springer Da AWESOME **u owe me ten _Sasha Braus_

2 hours ago . like . 3

**Sasha Braus **D: NOOO

2 hours ago . Mikasa Ackerman likes this

**Ymir IDon'tHaveALastName** get off our beautiful moment in history, you useless bacteria.

2 hours ago . Mikasa Ackerman likes this

**Reiner** …

2 hours ago . like

**Bertholdt Fubar** Sorry about that. Reiner is really happy for you girls, he's crying in a corner. :)

2 hours ago . Annie Leonhardt and 20 others like this

**Levi Rivaille** Get off fb. Mikasa, OT.

2 hours ago . Sasha Braus and Connie Springer Da AWESOME likes this

To: Levi

From: Mikasa

Subject: You know

I'm getting tired of this.

To: Sashaxpotato

From: ConnieAWESOMENESS

Subject: Y Mikasa won't date the SM (lol)

Prob. Cause he 2 old

To: ConnieAWESOMENESS

Subject: rly?

Dun think so. M's liked Eren before, don't think she cares about that stuff

To: Sashaxpotato

From: ConnieAWESOMENESS

Subject: loll u stupid?

I meanTHERE! He cant satisfy her NEEDS! Getit? They'd be like getting it on & it's be like 5 sec & M's like 'wut' & he'd like 'I blew'

To: Connie AWESOMENESS

From: Sashaxpotato

Subject: OMG LOL

LOLOL AHAHAHAHA ROFL

From: Levi

To: Sashaxpotato

Subject: Get off the floor

And hand over your phone.

From: ConnieAWESOMENESS

To: Sashaxpotato

Subject: CHOKING

His dik is prob. smaller than the one M drew on his neck lol

From: ConnieAWESOMENESS

To: Sashaxpotato

Subject: He'd be like all done

And she'd b like dude u didnt even go in yet

From: ConnieAWESOMNESS

To: Sashaxpotato

Subject: Proportional to his height

Jean said he was peeing & u cant even c it, its like not even there

From: ConnieAWESOMENESS

To: Sashaxpotato

Subject: prob y hes so uptight like that oldy across the road

They hav the same expresions

From: sashaxpotato

To: ConnieAWESOMNESS

Subject: Come to my office

_-This message contains no body- _

To: Sashaxpotato

From: ConnieAWESOMENESS

Subject: dude, SM'll kick me shitless if he saw me slackin

Swear to God its all that cleaning making it shrivel up

To: Levi

From: Hanji

Subject: What are you doing?

I hear a lot of screaming. Is it about your height? （⌒▽⌒）

To: Levi

From: Irwin

Subject: Keep it down a notch

Thank you. And please make sure you do not fatally injure Sasha, Connie, or Hanji. It is difficult to replace three in the same department.

Regards,

Irwin Smith

CEO of the SnO corporations

To: Irwin

From: Levi

Subject: Too late sorry Irwin

_-This message contains no body-_

**Sasha Braus **_Connie_ has a dirty mind & my butt no longer works

Ymir IDon'tHaveALastName and 22 others like this . Like . Comment . Share . 3 hours ago

**Ymir IDon'tHaveALastName **r those 2 things related?

3 hours ago . Mikasa Ackerman and 12 others like this

**Eren Jäger **Haven't seen connie all day

3 hours ago . Like

**Armin Arlert** I don't know but I saw Jean crying in a corner without pants.

3 hours ago . Eren Jäger and 20 others like this

**Marco ½ **I think they were used to tie Sasha to the ceiling

3 hours ago . Mikasa Ackerman and 21 others like this

**Armin Arlert** How can she text if she's tied to the ceiling?

3 hours ago . Eren Jäger and 18 others like this

**Levi Rivaille **Now she can't.

3 hours ago . Mike and 29 others like this

**Annie Leonhardt** ^Marco? Why are you here?

3 hours ago . Like

**Marco ½ **Now that you mention it… mind a little chat after work, Annie? 0:)

3 hours ago . Like

**Reiner Braun** found Connie in the city landfill, Jean Kirschtein, sorry, but I think your boxers are ruined. –with _Connie Springer Da AWESOMENESS_

Ymir IDon'tHaveALastName and 83 others like this . Like . Comment . Share . 2 hours ago

**Armin Arlert** Why are they ruined?

2 hours ago . Like

**Bertholdt Fubar** I'm not sure but when we picked them up it was really wet and smelled a little weird, and we can't find Connie's clothes either.

2 hours ago . Ymir IDon'tHaveALastName likes this

**Ymir IDon'tHaveALastName **^lol, maybe if you try squeezing the liquit out of his boxers and drink it you'll know. Dumbass

2 hours ago . Like

**Irwin Smith **It is with our sincerest apologies that I must inform you of our trusted and beloved employee, Hanji Zoe will be away from work until further notice. During this time, I must ask you to refrain from looking for her in the attic, for I cannot guarantee your safety if you wish to satisfy your curiosity.

Levi Rivaille likes this . Like . Comment . Share . 1 hour ago

**Petra Ral **UPDATE*** do NOT touch the SM (lol) today! Do not TOUCH him, TALK to him, MAKE EYECONTACT with him. Just DON'T DO IT

Auruo Bossard, Erd Gin, and 8 others like this . Like . Comment . Share . 1 hour ago

**Eren Jäger** Y?

1 hour ago . Like

**Petra Ral** +New Message Action

**Petra Ral** 1 hour ago

:)

**Eren Jäger **1 hour ago

Hi Petra

**Petra Ral** 1 hour ago

Eren do you trust me?

**Eren Jäger ** 1 hour ago

After what happened last time?

**Petra Ral** 1 hour ago

Hey D: you promised not to bring that up

But, hey, I got a halo in return. It's so purty! 0:D

**Eren Jäger** 1 hour ago

… Im out

**Petra Ral** 1 hour ago

No, wait. I was going to tell you why you shouldn't piss off Section Manager (SM LOL)

**Eren Jäger** 1 hour ago

I thought that was for all time?

**Petra Ral** 1 hour ago

Nah, usually hes more rason3ble

He's menstruating

**Eren Jäger **1 hour ago

Wait ur not serious

Wait r u serious?

PETRA! PETRA RESPOND!

DFHJKSLHIEULIWF&*#^$*&# ^$(

**Eren Jäger** what does mantrating for men mean?

Like . Comment . Share . 1 hour ago

**Mikasa Ackerman** you can hardly call that shortie a man, Eren. This is why you failed language class.

58 minutes ago . Ymir IDon'tHaveALastName and 12 others like this

To: Mikasa

From: Levi

Subject: OT

_-This subject contains no body-_

To: Levi

From: Mikasa

Subject: You already gave me one

FAIL. You irksome shortie.

**Zoe Hanji** hisssssss… my preciousssssss

Like . Comment . Share . 54 minutes ago

**Irwin Smith** ^gone mad, do not approach

53 minutes ago . Like 10 .

**Mikasa Ackerman **_posted a photo_ Magical cardcaptor, Levi-chan.

Sasha Braus, Connie Springer Da AWESOMNESS and 132 others like this . Like . Comment . Share . 50 minutes ago

**Sasha Braus** my bum almost healed from looking at this. MY QUEEN.

48 minutes ago . Connie Springer Da AWESOMNESS and 80 others like this . Like

**Marco ½ **: I think Jean is showing signs of like

47 minutes ago . Christa Renz and 72 others like this . Like

**Connie Springer Da AWESOMENESS** THE AWESOMENESS IS BACK MUTHAFUKAS

47 minutes ago . Sasha Braus and 69 others like this . Like

**Hanji Zoe** Reboot in 3…2…1…

46 minutes ago . Auruo Bossard and 60 others like this . Like

**Ymir IDon'tHaveALastName** wtf, are you trying to smile, SM?

45 minutes ago . Petra Ral and 57 others like this . Like

**Petra Ral** ^SM (lol)

44 minutes ago . Auruo Bossard and 65 others like this . Like

**Armin Arlert** You guys… don't be mean… I think the dress shows off his legs. The muscle proportion is really good.

44 minutes ago . Eren Jäger and 50 others like this . Like

**Mikasa Ackerman **^youngest phD is a century, listen to him. No other person would look better in Card Captor Sakura's dress.

42 minutes ago . Petra Ral, Connie Springer Da AWESOMENESS, Sasha Braus and 49 others like this. Like

**Mike Zakarius** *licks lips sensually *

1 minute ago. Like

To: Levi

From: Irwin

Subject: Concern

Sometimes I find it in the depth of my heart to wonder if you, my dear SM allowed her to find embarrassing moments of you on purpose.

Regards,

Irwin Smith

CEO of SnO

**Levi Rivaille **next person to call me SM will find there private parts inversely proportional to their height. Double OT, _Ackerman_. Watch it, _Irwin_.

Like . Comment . Share . 30 minutes ago

**Armin Arlert** why do you call the rest of us by our first names but not Mikasa. Not to be rude to you, of course, Section Manager.

28 minutes ago . Sasha Braus and 88 others like this

**Sasha Braus** OOOOOOOH~~~~

27 mintues ago . Petra Ral likes this

**Petra Ral** :D

26 minuts ago . Like

**Mike Zakarius** *wiggles eyebrows *

25 minutes ago . Like

**Connie Springer Da AWESOMENESS** Lol, only because his won't grow any bigger whethter its proportional or inversely proportional to his height

Like . Comment . Share . 28 minutes ago

**Mikasa Ackerman **^ you forgot to change the privacy settings.

25 minutes ago . Like

**Connie Springer Da AWESOMENESS**… 0.0

25 minutes ago . Like

To: Levi

From: Mikasa

Subject: After the OT

I have an occasion to attend to, can't do OTx2

To: Mikasa

From: Levi

Subject: Too bad

_-This message contains no body-_

To: Levi

From: Mikasa

Subject: Fire me if you must

Can't miss it

To: Mikasa

From: Levi

Subject: Explain. Now.

_-This message contains no message_

To: Irwin

From: Mikasa

Subject: Invasion of privacy

Fwd: Subject: Explain. Now.

Harassment report #2

To: Levi

From: Irwin

Subject: Better ways of picking her up

Indeed Levi, women prefer men to be more understanding.

Regards,

Irwin Smith,

CEO of SnO

To: Eren

From: Mikasa

Subject: Seems like a lot of people are being attacked by that shortie. Call me if he picks on you. Okay?

-M

To: Mikasa

From: Eren

Subject: Ill B

fine

To: Levi

From: ConnieAWESOMNESS

Subject: BEFORE YOU KICK ME OUT THE WINDOW AGAIN

I know what Mikasa is doing after work! Save my ass & I give you info!

To: ConnieAWESOMENESS

From: Levi

Subject: I'm getting both. Negotiation complete.

_-This subject contains no message-_

**Connie Springer Da AWESOMENESS** fml

Like . Comment . Share . 30 seconds ago

**A/N: Thank you so much for reviewing this story! There will most DEFINITELY be drunk texting. As for phone calls, I'm planning on putting the phone calls in at probably around chapter 4. Mainly because phone calls are a little bit more difficult since they're all in the office, I need to wait until somebody skips work. Yes, of **_**course**_** I had to use Marco ½ and 'HUH'! What Mikasa did to Sasha's food will be revealed in the next chapter… and it is indeed very terrible. It's the worst thing food can face (that I can think of). I am so glad you guys liked the format, I was quite skeptical… I also agree that tumblr would be kinda difficult… I'll probably mention it in passing though. Mikasa is a little bit OOC… partially because I can't write that she does everything with the most expressionless features possible, but I'll work on her! And if I made you laugh, or even feel a little happier… I guess I did my job right! Merci beaucoup *salutes back *!**


End file.
